WHAT IS YOUR SORE SPOT
My daughter hurt her finger last week. One night, exasperated, she cried: “Everyone keeps hitting my finger! It’s like you’re doing it on purpose!” Obviously this was completely wrong, but I understood where her frustration was coming from. Her swollen finger was very sensitive. Light touches, which she would not have felt otherwise, were now making her suffer.
The same principle applies to our lives. Because deep inside of us there exists a sore spot, where we are more sensitive to things and that can alter our perception. Therefore, even the most harmless of situations can give us the impression that we are being personally attacked.
Confirm your feelings before jumping to conclusions
We have the tendency to interpret people’s words and actions through our own experiences and insecurities. For example, have you ever interpreted a person’s shyness towards you as a lack of interest; or considered the refusal of one of your ideas as a verdict of incompetence? Don’t jump to conclusions too quickly. Make a habit of casting your reactions into doubt and confirming your feelings. In the same manner, if you feel that you are at the heart of a misunderstanding, don’t hesitate to discuss it with those involved to avoid having the situation escalate. Questions such as: “I don’t understand why you say that. What do you mean?” “I had expected to take over this project. Why did you give it to another team?” “I feel that you disagree with what I am doing, did I do something wrong?” are effective phrases to avoid erroneous interpretations. Don’t let your imagination run wild for too long, or it will get the best of you.
Negative feelings are defence mechanisms. Develop your ability to recognize them, interpret the messages that you get from your experience, and confirm their accuracy. A feeling is a reaction; to validate them is to take action. The more you are aware of your errors of understanding, the better your relationships will be and the more your confidence will increase.
Tell us, how has validating your impressions been useful in the past? We would like to hear from you on the subject.
FOR THOSE OF YOU WITH THE ATTITUDE ORANGE PLANNER, when you feel yourself reacting to a situation use the “energy level” section to circle your stress level in red, then do the same thing with a blue pen once you have validated your feelings.