The theory: one plus one makes two
When we fall in love, we spend every second of our lives with the one we love. Every look, every touch electrifies us, and the world could fall apart and we wouldn’t even notice. But can this passionate love last long term? Maybe, but only if everyone manages to preserve their own identity.
The trap: one plus one makes one
If you are in a couple, do you have the feeling that you’ve ignored certain personality traits or certain activities to please your partner? Or maybe you know people who have been completely forgotten in a relationship? But how come we feel we have to change in order to be loved? Probably because we are afraid to disappoint or to not be accepted as we are.
But have you ever thought that it was this difference that attracted them to you in the first place? By forgetting yourself, you are denying a part of who you are, and often that ends in blame. You blame the other for the limits you set and the other complains that you aren’t the same person they liked at the beginning. Often this is the point where many couples split up. Unable to create a space where they can be themselves, the partners prefer to separate.
The solution: one plus one makes three
You cannot expect the other to fulfill all of your needs. Never lose sight that your relationship is made up of three entities. First there is yourself, next your partner and then there is your couple. If you don’t take care of yourself, if you don’t protect your identity, one of the pillars that support your couple will be missing. Without the step where the relationship becomes a real exchange, it may become seen as a straightjacket in which everyone feels bullied.
In love as in life, we must learn to assert ourselves. Don’t be afraid of misunderstandings and differences in opinions, because these are all part of being in a relationship. Being in disagreement with someone is not being against them. It simply signifies that your ideas and your expectations are different. These differences can be experienced within the perspective of respect and compromise, which will bring richness and colour to a couple. You should welcome them and consider them as an opportunity for growth, for you and for your relationship as well.
Doing things alone allows everyone to get to know themselves better as individuals. If every spouse feels accepted and respected, the couple then has solid foundations for making a happy life “as three.” Do you like this article? Do you want to share your ideas on this subject? Write to us in the comments section below.
FOR THOSE WITH "MY ATTITUDE" PLANNER,this week, set aside a block of time for an activity that you have neglected, but care about very much. For example, do like salsa dancing but your spouse hates it? Go ahead with your girlfriends while your spouse plays tennis with his friends.